“It’s not always about what you’ve gained. Sometimes it’s about what you’ve lost.”
– Selva Lawler
If you would have told me one of those profound things I have ever heard would come from a 17 year old, I would have laughed you out of the room. Boy was I wrong. The ego strikes again!
Upon first reading of Selva’s quote you might think it’s focusing on losses in a material sense. Out of context I could see that. But what she meant was, shedding dead weight is just as powerful as gaining new wisdom.
The integration into the world was a big subject and concern in “La Familia” (my new Spiritquest family) after our plant ceremonies. “The lessons will keep coming” said Parker Sherry, our Spiritual Sherpa and Spiritquest retreat facilitator.
Boy he was right. Today on my way home I came crashing back into the real world, literally. I was in a car accident. I ran into the back of an SUV. In that moment I was flooded with anxiety and fear. “What is wrong with me?”, “I fucked up. I bet I am going to get arrested.”, “This poor unsuspecting woman and her dog probably hate me for ruining their day” are all thoughts that came into my brain.
These negative thoughts began to run the show, so much so that my hands were shaking in anticipation of this new pile of shit I had created for myself. I sat in my car feeling so much guilt and embarrassment while the police officer filled out the paperwork. I even felt a tinge of “Why me?”, why do I have to make everything so fucking difficult with my stupid actions.
Then the officer walked over to me and said “ Alright Mr. Fisher here is your license and info back. The sheet of paper has information for the police report. I’m glad everybody is ok and I hope the rest of your day goes well.”
No handcuffs. No public shaming. Nothing but paperwork we will need to get our cars fixed. After speaking more to the young woman involved in the wreck, she thanked me for coming and apologizing and wished me a good day.
It wasn’t until I was driving home that I could hear Grandmother Ayahuasca remind me of the lessons I learned in the Jungle. Unfortunately my head can be thick at times and it takes several lessons before a point gets driven home. I then felt this overwhelming sense of calm. I started smiling ear to ear and looked at the beautiful sun setting.
I was ok. She was ok. We are ok.
The cars will get fixed.
Maybe the other driver will get mad at me and sue me. Ok.
My insurance will certainly go up. Ok.
I now have to drive home and maybe people will stare and laugh at my dented up car. Ok.
During that car ride home I realized what Selva said was so true. One thing I lost was doubt. Doubt that I could not dig myself out of a spiral of negative thoughts. Doubt that things will not work out.
Things will work out, maybe not exactly as you plan, but they’ll work out. Because they always do.
Then as if all that wasn’t a lesson enough on my ride home I was listening to Aubrey Marcus’ podcast #168 where Aubrey and friends recount a recent Spiritquest retreat. But also the episode covers the lessons learned after Aubrey got into a Gnarly Car Wreck ! A car wreck! Are you shitting me Universe?!?!
Ok ok ok I am listening.
Today fear and anxiety put up a hell of a fight. But in the end love and a big smile won. Just like they always will.
The next time your brain goes to the worse case scenario remember this quote.
“I have known a great many troubles. But most of them never happened” – Mark Twain